Exploring Transference and Counter-Transference

For the therapist to be in a therapeutic space and listen to one person ‘expressing his/her long time buried and deeply suppressed feelings’ sometimes brings great insight into the interpersonal dynamics, but I wonder whether to allow such dynamics to continue on during a therapy session, may be counterproductive and at times emotionally abusive to others involved?

The impasse is that on the one hand, it may seem loving to the aggrieved person to allow them a safe space to express, but on the other hand, how is it loving to allow the other party to sit in a space of projection, judgment, and at times abusive attitude?

When one person projects their perspective onto others in an angry, heated fashion, behaviour is continued that brings difficulty and stress into relationships.

“What we focus on increases” (Helen Schucman, 1975)

If the purpose of therapy is to promote love, connection, and healing, then what is the benefit in focusing on hurt, pain, fear, anxiety, stress, depression, abuse and defenses?

Some say that this brings cathartic release for the person who is expressing their deepest hurts, but often these hurts have been self created through mis-perception, misinterpretation, transference and counter transference. The person expressing their pain may feel relieved to get such suppressed material off their chest, feeling lighter, as they ‘dump’ their pain.

“Transference can provide useful insights into therapeutic issues that are current for the survivor which need to be fully explored with a therapist to be resolved. Thus the other person should, without denying the validity of the feelings generated, point out to the survivor that the inner child is responding by expressing her/his long buried and deeply repressed feelings.” (Sanderson, C., 1995)

The other participants involved in joint therapy, and often the targets of the transference, may then feel shocked, misinterpreted, emotionally abused, hurt, and unsupported by the person expressing, and unsupported by the therapist.

“The other person will need to deal with this transference by not feeling personally attacked but recogniszng that primitive responses have been reactivated and that it is the survivor’s inner child who is responding. Reassurance should be given that it is permissible to act out these feelings within a therapeutic session. The other person should also ensure that they remain objective during transference and not feel personally threatened or attacked.” (Sanderson, C., 1995)

The challenge, then, for the therapist, is how to maintain a safe space in therapy for all of the participants involved, and how to keep an overall focus on transference and counter transference, not being consumed by the venting and rage of the survivor.

“The intimate relationship involves a highly personal interaction between two people during which the survivor of abuse and trauma may perceive the other person not only as a powerful authority figure, but also as a psychologically important person that the survivor has become dependent on. The powerful nature of this interaction, together with the survivor’s vulnerability may remind the survivor of similarly psychologically important figures in her/his childhood, causing him/her to see the other person as a symbolic manifestation of these past figures.

This investment will distort the survivor’s perceptions of the other person so that she/he begins to respond to that person as if she/he were responding to that psychologically important figure in childhood. For the male survivor in the partnership, the female partner may begin to represent the survivor’s collusive or abusive mother, while for the female survivor, the male partner may begin to represent the sexual/psychological abuser. Once this process of transference has taken place, old feelings, thoughts and behaviours will be reactivated and directed at the other person.

These invariably include anger, hurt, betrayal and rage. For relationships where both people have been abused this will enable an intense web of transference and counter transference to continually disrupt the relationship harmony.The other person (and the therapist) must at all times be aware of the transference process and not feel threatened psychologically by any acting out behaviours. It is vital to retain an objective perspective and to validate the survivor in allowing her/his child a voice. The other person must be wary of not showing his/her emotional reaction to destructive onslaughts. Even if the partner experiences feelings of anger, hurt, rage, disappointment or irritability, it is crucial to remain impassive but sensitive.” (Sanderson, C., 1995)

A therapist’s skill is to able to be aware of when the communication in the room is having a transference/counter transference affect on others of an aversive nature. The skilled therapist will be able to notice not only their own discomfort, but also be sensitive to the discomfort of others in the room. The ability to notice the level of distress being experienced in the room is critical to effective therapy.

If the other person begins to feel attacked by the transference of the victim’s perspective, then the skilled therapist can and will intervene. When the levels of distress start to escalate, the behaviour that the therapist is there to teach is ‘self regulation’ first and foremost.

The root cause of relationship breakdown is the inability to self regulate, leading to projection of distress, judgment, blame and accusation, and breakdown in communication. It is my experience that the therapist’s role to demonstrate such self regulation by preparing all involved for the fact that transference and counter transference is likely to occur within the interview session and also intervening in if and when this transference occurs, demonstrating out loud the thought processes and behaviours that will be helpful to the people experiencing therapy that will provide self regulation. This will bring a peaceful observational stance to the discussions taking place, and help to externalize the ‘problems,’ promoting calmness to the participants as well as to the situation and the therapist involved, enabling the therapist to respectfully point out where past experiences are transferring onto the present relationships.

“The partner or family member needs not only to be prepared for the survivor’s transference, but must also be cautious of the possibility of counter-transference through which the partner or family member reacts to the survivor with his/her own primitive behaviour patterns based on his/her own childhood experiences. This is especially the case for the survivor partner of a survivor that finds that his/her material resonates and re-stimulates childhood abuse experiences. However non-abused partners are just as vulnerable to counter-transference.” (Sanderson, C., 1995)

If one party has issues and experiences that they wish to ‘express,’ and the way of expressing is harmful on a mental/emotional level to others in the session, it is my experience that the therapist’s most affective role is to intervene and separate the participants, and provide a safe place for the ‘survivor’ to express, work through, and resolve that which they are aggrieving themselves with, and to be supported to recognize the transference that is occurring, also providing a supportive environment for the other partner or family member to explore the transference that has occurred.

“Releasing these feelings in a safe, supportive environment is healthy and cathartic, and facilitates the trauma resolution. To deny or leave these feelings buried will only impede the healing process. The survivor should be encouraged to act out her/his transference, especially if this is interspersed with sessions in which the survivor explores her adult feelings towards the other person, rather than seeing him/her merely as a primitive important figure. This shows the survivor that she/he has a choice to respond with her inner child or to respond on an adult level, and to integrate both responses into self.” (Sanderson, C., 1995)

It is indeed a skill for the therapist to be able to focus on the messages being transmitted by one person in therapy, and at the same time be aware of the effect that this communication content and style is having on others involved at the same time.

Once transference is caught, resolved, and a space of calmness is restored, the couple or family can be brought back together to explore the resolution as need be.

Disclosed material may sometimes strike chords in the partner or family member which can re-stimulate a childhood memory or feeling which has been repressed. Although this may not be an abuse related memory, it may nevertheless reactivate archaic feelings and behaviour patterns which the partner, and the therapist, must not allow to infect the relationship. These require immediate attention and need to be dealt with swiftly outside of the relationship setting during counselling so as not to impede the healing process.

Being aware of the possibility of counter-transference can help partners and family members prepare for it by making contingency plans such as arranging their own therapist. Knowing that there is a support network will remind the partner or family member that he/she has not failed in his/her reaction to the material, but has prepared for this by being able to work it through with someone else rather than transferring reactions onto the relationship and their survivor partner/family member.

References:

Sanderson, C., 1995, Counselling Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse 2nd Edition, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London.

Schucman, Helen., & William T Thetford, 1975, A Course in Miracles Original Edition, Published by A Course in Miracles Society, 7602 Pacific Street, Suite 304 Omaha, Nebraska 68114 USA.

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